Open Are Our Marriages

In today's world where gender dynamics change everyday, relationships are being redefined. There was a time when the only man/men a married woman knew outside of her husband were her brother-in-law/s but all that has changed. Men and women are increasingly meeting new people at their workplace, in social circles and at other informal interactions. How does this impact the man-woman relationship and more specifically, marriages?
For a very long time I thought that open marriages were a totally western concept. So one lazy Sunday afternoon, I sift through this lifestyle magazine during my pedicure session and stumble upon this article on open marriages in India. Surprise, surprise! So-called taboo topics like open marriages and swingers clubs seemed to be the buzz word among urban young couples.

View: Couples in open marriages justify their choice as a more pragmatic approach to deal with infidelityand the shock and trauma that the significant other goes through.

Gone are the days when marriages were meant to be water-tight units that bound individuals together; notions of freedom, space and choice are increasingly gaining popularity.
We all perceive our married life to be a certain way and when it turns out to be quite different from what we expected, what do we do? Do we spend our entire life learning to live with what we have? Do we walk out of our marriage? Or do we accept our marriage the way it is and actively pursue what's missing outside?
Their argument is that when individuals in a marriage admit to being attracted to someone else at some point or the other in their relationship, then they might as well be open about it.
Marriage doesn't change basic human nature; there'll always be this conflict (momentary or persistent) when you might be attracted to someone else. Why curb your natural feelings rather than being open about it?
Some couples prefer to rather have the option of being in an open marriage than have their partner cheat on them without their knowledge.
Most men admit that at some point in their married lives, they seek sexual gratification elsewhere; in an open marriage, the women at least has the option of having an alternative choice rather than remaining in the dark about her spouse's sexcapades.

Islam And Remarries

A 39-year-old woman living in Dubai was allegedly deserted by her husband who converted to Islam and married another woman.
Vibha Suri, who now lives in the United Arab Emirates city, got to know in January this year that her husband Vikram Suri had married one Wassima Khan in October 2007, only after a letter from the Indian Consulate in Egypt reached her parents in Lucknow informing them about their son-in-law's second matrimony.
Vikram remarried in Egypt after converting to Islam.
"It has been a year now that my trauma and grief started. Vikram had violated our marriage by committing bigamy after he converted to Islam," Vibha said over phone from Dubai.
Vibha is now fighting a legal battle at the Delhi High Court as she accuses Vikram of restricting her children from travelling outside Dubai and violating an MoU that was finalised between them in February.
"Vikram used Shariat laws in UAE courts to restrict my children's travel outside the country. The MoU was agreed on issues relating to transferring of past financial assets and Vikram's moving out of our house in Dubai," she said.
Vikram, however, contested her claims. "Vibha threatened me of taking my kids away and now that I have transferred financial assets of more than Rs 11 crore in her name, she is trying to defame me," Vikram said over phone from Dubai.
She should have moved the Dubai courts regarding the travel ban but she chose to do it in Delhi in order to delay the matter, he alleged. Concerned over her daughters' uneasy state of mind, Vibha rues that she received no help from women's rights organisations and other government agencies.
"My daughters are trapped here in Dubai, I just want to take them to my parents in India," Vibha said.
Vibha and Vikram Suri got married in Lucknow on March 11, 1996. After Vikram landed a job in Dubai, the couple moved out of the country with Vibha also working in a company there.
"My elder daughter was born in 2000 and the younger one in May 2004. I suspected his affairs and was devastated to know about his conversion to Islam and his marriage thereafter," Vibha said.
Though Vikram admitted that he embraced Islam, he did not specify the reasons for doing so.
He also claimed that he had not been able to meet his children for the stipulated six days in a month that was agreed upon in the MoU.
Vibha moved the Delhi High Court in July this year and got an injunction ordering Vikram not to use any other courts to resolve the matter.
"I agree that our relationship after the marriage was not smooth but I never thought that I would have to come across this harsh reality of my life in such a manner," Vibha said as she wishes that the issue comes to an end soon.